Sunday, October 30, 2011

Today is Sunday ...

I've always loved Sundays. Even as a kid I loved the lazy way a Sunday enveloped me. 
As an adult I love the way Sundays seemed to linger. Sleeping in late(well, as late as the dogs let me). Reading. Running errands. Spending time with the dogs. Brunch with friends. Planning for the week ahead. Church (that one is for my mom). Taking in a movie or two. 

Sundays are like an aperitif. The perfect end to a great week. 

Saturday, October 22, 2011

A few of my favorite things

Don't You Remember - Adele
I Drove All Night - Cyndi Lauper
Kiss Me In The Rain - Barbra Streisand
My Bonnie - Laura Smith
Stay The Night - Jane Olivor
Ti Amo - Laura Branigan
When All Is Said And Done - ABBA 

I guess I'm feeling a little melancholy today. But I think we are all allowed to. It's good for the soul.

We shouldn't wallow in melancholy(ness) but a good sadness cleanse  is good for us all. 

So having said that I am off to do what all good cleanses start with ... a new outfit. Look out Neiman Marcus, here I come.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Time to move on

Relationships are never easy, right? When two people get together you are bound to have differences. You like vanilla and he likes chocolate. You're a morning person, he loves to stay out late. You love cats and he wants a dog. 

But you work it out. You compromise. You go out on a date once a month and stay out as long as he wants to. You buy Neapolitan ice cream (and give the strawberry to the dog that you compromised for). 

But sometimes it just doesn't work. No matter how hard you try to make it work the other half of your life just wants to give up. He's had enough. And at that point you need to realize that its over. 

You need to stop wallowing in self-pity and pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get on with your life. You need to stop being afraid of what's out there and get on with it. Life goes on and so will you. Friends and family will gather round you like a circle of wagons and protect you. They will be there for you to talk to, cry with and eventually laugh with at the end of the long dark tunnel that you see before you. That dim light you see far, far away ... its your new life waiting for you. 

But in order to move on and open yourself up to a new relationship you also have to take responsibility for the one you are leaving. 

Maybe you weren't supportive enough in the things he did. Maybe you left the cleaning up to him. You might not have been motivated enough in your business life to strive for more, to make yourself better. Yes, even lazy. Maybe you suffocated him in the relationship. Not allowing yourself the freedom to do things outside the two of you.

And after you have allowed yourself to forgive, you and him, its time to move on. 

Time to say good-buy to the house that he made a home.

Time to leave the tree's that you planted in the yard that flourished more then the relationship did. 

Time to split up the things you have collected and cherished over the years. 

Time to do what's right for you and move on when you finally realize that nothing you do or say can fix the last few years together. 

Time to move on. 

Friday, August 26, 2011

Dog vs. Flea

It's easier to empathize with the dog than the flea.
                                                          - Eric Greene

But why? 

We all do it. They are both living, breathing lives. They both have a heart, lungs, a brain, etc. They both feel pain. But we have no problem squeezing the life out of a flea between our fingers. Is it because the flea can't look us in the eyes? Or maybe because the flea is infesting our "family member"? 

I struggle with animal ethic's everyday. I eat pork and beef but the thought of eating a dog or cat makes me light headed. I'll have a chicken salad sandwich, but a Parakeet on sour dough? I'd rather eat my dirty shoe.

I know I'm not going to be popular with my vegan friends, but ... I tried to be a vegan several times. Longest hour of my life. My body needs meat. Hypocrite? Me? Yes. And I am not happy about it. 

I have three dogs and a cat that I love with all my heart. I would live under a bridge before I gave them up. But for lunch today I had a chicken burrito and didn't think twice about it. Now that I'm writing about it I wish I would have chosen the veggie wrap. 

I'm in the middle of a great book, "Some we love, some we hate, some we eat" by Hal Herzog. Its all about our relationships with animals. I don't agree on some of his views but some make a lot of sense. One chapter asks "Are dogs suck-up's compared to cats?". You have to be a cat and dog person to understand that. 

How many dogs are euthanized each year? How many people go hungry each year. Think about it ... they are already dead, right? Please don't get me wrong. I think it's the most unimaginable scenario ever. But why? Is it the cuteness factor? The fact that we share our home's and beds with these loving creatures? Maybe because we are taught from a young age to love dogs/cats and eat cows/pigs?

What ever the reason, I find the relationship between animals and humans fascinating. 

And don't worry, Bruce (my dog) is safe from becoming the family meal. 

By the way ... would you ever eat a Patagonian Tooth fish? You probably already have. It's a Chilean Sea bass. 

Food for thought, so to speak. 

Monday, July 11, 2011

Renewal ...

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months that you feel so good you feel like you have had an "awaking"? Only to find out it was all in your head. Things haven't really changed. You really didn't loose 3 pounds. Traffic is still as bad as it always has been. Reality can suck sometimes.

Well I have noticed that if you think and feel it ... it really does make a difference in your mood and environment. And things do fall into place. It may take some time but don't give up. There is a lot to say for positive energy.

Just ask Scarlett.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

‘An Incredible Spirit’
 Fabiola Maria Herdoiza Correa, 75, of Overland Park

June 12, at home surrounded by family, peacefully from natural causes

Fabiola was born in Riobamba, Ecuador in 1935, the beloved daughter of Papa Justito and Mama Julita, and the youngest of seven children – one brother and six sisters.   Fabiola came to the United States in 1952.  She embraced her new country, yet was always fiercely proud of her Ecuadorian heritage.  She and her devoted husband, Dr. Alfonso Herdoiza, were married for 59 years and raised three children together – Fabiola, Alberto and Elizabeth.

Fabiola was passionate about her love of family and friends.  She was a wonderful mother and grandmother.  Loving, tender, gentle, fun, warmly affectionate and so supportive of their happiness.  “When I was fourteen, my mom gave me a blank check so I could buy my first horse.  Because of that, I was able to follow my lifelong passion for horses”, said Lisa, her youngest daughter.  Fabiola helped her children follow their dreams because she wanted them to be happy.  With her unconditional love, she was a positive influence in their lives.

She also brought her passion to her work with charitable organizations and the community at large.  She was past president of the Metropolitan Medical Society Auxiliary of Greater Kansas City, Cosmopolitan International and Mini Mundo.  She served as a commissioner from Ecuador for the Mayor’s Ethnic Commission.  She was very involved with the Lyric Opera Guild, People to People and the Lost Child Network, as well as many other local charities.  Whether she was organizing Doctor’s Day or creating one gigantic fairytale bed for her grandchildren, she always made it memorable with her special, unique flair.

But her giving was also done on a very personal level.  She had an enormous and compassionate heart, not only for her family but also for those in need.  She volunteered for the Eye Foundation, Menorah Hospital and Truman Medical Center.  “She treated other people with a truly Christian heart.  In Ecuador, she would see people on the street in need and give them charity, and a hug or kiss”, said Lourdes Eguez, her niece in Ecuador who was like a sister to her.

Fabiola was gracious, fun to be with and truly a good friend.  She was an amazing hostess, welcoming many people to parties at her home.  Her parties were legendary, with enough food to feed an army and dancing until 2 A.M.  She loved entertaining and she loved to cook.  Her empanadas, ceviche and flan were the best.

She was elegant, fashionable and strikingly beautiful.

Alfonso and Fabiola were famous for dancing, expecially the tango.  When they danced the tango, the floor would open and people would watch in awe.

Fabiola and Alfonso traveled extensively throughout the world, returning annually to Ecuador to visit family and friends.

Her husband, her son and his wife, her two daughters and their husbands, eight grandchildren, a great grandchild about to be born in June and extended family in Ecuador and the United States.

“My mom was a force of nature – beautiful, passionate, unique, loving, special… an incredible spirit who will always be with us”, said Fabiola, her oldest daughter.
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to the Alzheimer’s Association.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Random notes on relationship's

We all are either in one, had one or want to be in one.

As I remember from sex ed class you can create another human without all the bullshit of a relationship. Sorry ... did that sound negative?

Relationship's are a lot of hard work. All that communication stuff, sharing and more sharing of feelings. Wondering where he/she is when he/she calls and says "I'm working late." And now in the age of technology wondering why he/she spends so much time on his/her iPhone and laptop?

But on the other hand you always have a date to the prom.

Weekends spent together running errands, having lunch at the local cafe. Spending time at flea/farmers markets. Or just staying in watching sappy movies.

I have been lucky (?) enough to have been in two long term relationship's. As a matter of fact I have been committed since I was 17. I guess dating has never been my thing.

The end of a relationship is never easy, no matter how bad you want it to be. You would like to be friends but those damn feelings keep coming up.

Damn you love, want, need, hurt, happy, sad, affection, anger, angst, annoyance, anxiety, contempt, depression, envy, grief, guilt, hysteria, jealousy, loneliness, lust, misery, pride, desire, rage, regret, shame, DAMN YOU ALL !

But without all the bad we wouldn't have the good ... to get us through the bad ... awe, curiosity, desire, ecstasy, empathy, euphoria, gratitude, happiness, interest, love, lust, satisfied, surprise, wonder, pride, hope.

I see some of those emotions are playing both sides of the fence. Typical.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Change is good?

I am a creature of habit. I haven't always been. I guess it comes with age. As a young adult I would do and go anywhere at the drop of a hat. It's Tuesday? 4pm? Lets go to Vegas. Saturday? 2am? I'm hungry. Now a days I have so many things to do before I am spontaneous. Vegas? Now? What about the dogs? I have a meeting tomorrow at 9am. Oh and gas ... what is it up to now? $4.19 a gallon?  Lets see ... that's 360 miles x 4.19 a gallon. Plus food on the way ... oh and we have to stop and get a date shake at the Mad Greek. That will put us at the hotel at 1 but check-in is at 3p ... screw it I'm staying home ! 

That's how my mind works now. Very annoying. 

When you are through changing, you are through.  ~Bruce Barton  

OK, that makes sense. Change is good, internally, mentally, theoretically, thoughtfully and so on. But what about when your surroundings change? Your way of life. What if you are forced to make a change? Your whole way of life. How do you deal with that? A therapist? Yes. But that's only going to get you so far. And its hard work.

You really have to work hard to change. You have to dig down deep inside your gut and deal with feelings you never knew you had or knew you did but buried them. It sucks. 

We are all creatures of habit. Its in our make up, our DNA. We get comfortable. We go along not making waves. Living our lives for other people because we don't want to be thought of as uncaring or selfish. But if we aren't happy we can't live a happy life. Duh. Simple right? But how many of us live that way? 

Change can hurt. It can be painful. It can feel like our heart has been ripped out and trampled on by a herd of horses. But when things do change we have to believe that it's for the good. We have to go along with it on blind faith. 

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
 - Author Unknown

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Instant gratification

Therapy (mental)
Acting class
Art class
This is a partial list of some of the things I have tried in the last few years. 

I've been to a therapist about a dozen times. I needed to be fixed and when I didn't get repaired soon enough my visits fizzled out. 

I took two acting classes. When I didn't become Meryl Streep my enthuseasion ran out. 

I attended 6 classes of a painting class. I even finished a great piece ... "Ape in the Wild". But when it didn't end up at the next Christie's auction in New York City, that to went by the way side too. 

The list goes on, Red Cross Life Guard, Dog training, teen suicide operator for a 24 hour hot line. But that last one wasn't my fault. They called me back after the interview and said thanks but no thanks. But thats a whole different blog entry.

As I told my partner the other day ... "I try things and move on. When I'm on my death bed I wont wonder ... what if?"

Or is that the lazy way out? Who said "Anything worth while is worth working for"?
But for how long? How long must I try to be a great painter before somebody says ... maybe you should try cross-stitch? Is greatness just not obtainable for most of us. Or should we just say F it and try all until we feel fulfilled and be happy at that.

Maybe we need to pick and choose what to see through to the end. So I what if I gave up on art class before the gavel fell. Its not a matter of life and death. 

But some things in life do deserve our all. Somethings need our full attention. Our family. Our friends. Our relationships. Our health, both mental and physical. 

I have a few things on my "Done" list that I need to re-visit.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Do not be daunted ...

Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
The Talmud

Monday, May 2, 2011

Optimist or Sucker?

‎"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that" 
 - Martin Luther King, Jr.
‎"In the face of a man's death, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibilities of each person before God and before men, and hopes and works so that every event may be the occasion for the further growth of peace and not of hatred"
- A statement released from the Vatican after the killing of Bin Laden

   I posted these quotes on my Face Book page after learning of the "celebrations" taking place after the killing of Bin Laden. The fact that I was not in the streets dancing and singing with glee did not mean that I was saddened by his death. It did not mean that I didn't feel for the family's and friends of the 9/11 victims. I choose to deal with it in another way. I am not a religious man. But I do believe in God. I believe that He is with in us all. I believe He is a very personal being that each of us has to manifest within ourselves to live our lives in a peaceful loving way. 

   I am tired of all the hate in the world. Either because of religious reasons, economic reasons, sexual orientation,etc. 
"People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along? Can we get along? Can we stop making it, making it horrible for the older people and the kids?...It’s just not right. It’s not right. It’s not, it’s not going to change anything. We’ll, we’ll get our justice....They won the battle, but they haven't won the war....Please, we can get along here. We all can get along. I mean, we’re all stuck here for a while. Let’s try to work it out. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to work it out." 
- Rodney King
   I know Mr. King has been made fun of for his quote. But really ... its not far from the truth. We are all here for such a short time. All the time, effort and money that we put in to hate could be spent so much better for the good of humanity. 

   Yes, their has been evil people all through history. And they will continue to be here long after I'm gone. I understand the "need" to rid the world of evil. I understand the theory behind the need for fighting for that you believe in. But at times like these we need to look with in ourselves for peace. 

   If I am being completely honest I have to admit that yes, I am glad we have one less evil being in the world. Who knows how many innocents have been saved with his demise? I guess I am saddened by the fact that the world we live in even has such evil. 

What do they call someone who believes good?

Noun 1. optimist - a person disposed to take a favorable view of things

Or a sucker?

   I also want to make it known that as a son of a military man I have the up most respect for all the men and women in our military. I can not express the feelings I have for them as they put themselves in danger everyday. Either here at home or in countries around the world. They are the reason I have the freedom to write what I feel and think without fear of reprisal.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

I got bored ... help us all !

So I "LIKED" the Donald Trump page on FaceBook. I know, I know ... just walk away. Let it go. Live and let live. Blah blah blah. Anyway ... I wanted to see what his "fans" had to say about him. Wow ... tough crowd. I just happened to find an article on one of many lawsuits he was involved in. So I posted it. 

"In 2006, Trump irritated some local residents when he raised a flag on an 80-foot pole, a height almost twice that allowed by town ordinances. He refused to take it down, and the Palm Beach city council charged him $1,250 a day for every day that it remained aloft. Trump countersued for $25 million, and the matter dragged on for six months. It was finally settled when he agreed to lower the flag 10 feet, move it away from the ocean and donate $100,000 to Iraqi War Veterans’ charities."

Fine, fly your flag. Just do it with in the law. I guess it had been a slow Donald week because he filed a lawsuit. Well, by the responses I got you would have thought I burned the flag and then tried to put it out by spitting on it. 

and my fav ... "Commie Scum"

So much for a debate. They didn't care that he was breaking the law. They didn't care that his neighbors considered it intrusive. No, they just thought he should be able to do what ever he wants as long as he's being "Patriotic" and has the money to back up his behavior. IF (huge IF) he decides to run and actually wins is this the way he will run the country?

"We are America and we have the big bucks to back up our bully behavior" 

Talk about "Ugly Americans" 

Now that I think about it ... isn't that the way it was 2001 - 2009 ? 

Please ... not again !

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Diva or Duped ?

   As a young adult in the 80's I lived for music. I always had the radio on or a record playing (yes vinyl). Music was a very important part of my everyday life. I wanted to look like George Michael and dress as cool and confident as Boy George. Music in the 80's was ... happy (Girls Just Wanna Have Fun), hip (Rock Lobster) and freeing (I'm Coming Out). It made me feel good about myself. But it could also be dark (Ballad Of Lucy Jordan) and dramatic (How Can I Help You Say Good-bye). 

   The 80's was full of Divas too. Donna, Whitney, Tina, and of course Cher. We welcomed them into our bedrooms on a nightly basis. Singing about the boy that will never love us or the boy that loved another. They become our best friends, our sisters and confidants. They opened up their hearts to us and we loved them for it. We had our first and sometimes only female relationship with them. We loved and trusted them to keep all of our secrets. 

   Then we grew up and realized they were people just like us. They got older, had problems, divorces and opinions. And sometimes their opinions didn't match ours. And our world was shattered. How could they turn on us? How could they have lied to us all those years? 

   Years ago I learned one of my "Divas" did just that. Her whole public persona was a lie. She was not one of "our" biggest supporters. She did not believe that I was entitled to the same rights as her. My world crumbled. Dramatic? Yes, but I felt as if I had lost my best friend. 

   I stopped listening to her music, did not watch any show she was a guest on. I cut her from my life. Again, dramatic? Yes. Childish? Maybe. But I was hurt. Beyond repair. That's how strong my "relationship" was with her. 

   She had made me believe that I was special. To this day I think about her. I miss our time together. I miss our "talks". I miss her voice. 

I miss my friend. 

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Moments ...

At times I get moments of complete clarity. Moments when all is right with the world. Problems are not problems but challenges. 

Moments when my relationship is perfect, or at least I see a way to make it perfect, fix it. Moments when time with my family is all warm and fuzzy. 

Moments when lyrics to songs make so much more sense. 

Moments when being away from my partner brings tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart. Moments when my feelings are so close to the surface you can see them as the hairs on my arms rise. 

Moments of complete happiness. Like a drug, so happy that once again I have tears in my eyes. A joy about life, almost a spooky feeling, and in the back of my head I have an unsettling fear. 

That it will end. 

And when I finally get back to reality I think to myself "I should have enjoyed that moment more" 

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Once a killer always a killer?

Tilikum is back. Don't know who, or what, that is? Remember back on the 24th of February 2010?   
ORLANDO, Fla. — A SeaWorld killer whale snatched a trainer from a poolside platform Wednesday in its jaws and thrashed the woman around underwater, killing her in front of a horrified audience. It marked the third time the animal had been involved in a human death.

The 3rd time ? The first two deaths weren't enough to close down the park? And now Tilikum is back .... what ? for a 4th kill? I'm not putting the blame on Tikikum. Its a wild animal, no matter what we think, no matter how many tricks he does, he's wild. And being wild they will sometimes revert to wild behavior. 

I really can't believe its being allowed back. Hey Sea World ! What's the magic number ? 4 ? 5 ? 6 ? I think Tilikum is trying to tell you something ... 

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Ignorance is bliss

I remember not so long ago I didn't have ANY idea what the hell was going on in the world outside of MY world. 

And I liked it that way. The world went about its business and I went about mine.

Liquid lunches with friends, Saturday nights bar hoping in a black limo. Spending money on designer clothes, shoes and bags. Dinners that cost more then my rent. 

Then I grew up. I learned that there was a world beyond my eye sight. But this time I didn't like it that way. I learned people had problems. People died. People suffered. Animals became homeless, abused and killed. 

I learned people could be mean, violent and hateful. Neighbors stole and cheated. Co-workers stabbed you in the back whenever given the chance. The company you gave your all for could replace you in the blink of an eye without as much as a thank you. 

I guess the inter-net is mostly to blame for my "awakening". Hardly a day goes by when I'm not googling or blinging something or someone. Who am I kidding ... hardly and hour goes by ! 

Today was a particularly harsh news day. The Supreme Court sided with a bunch of sick-low-life-hateful-pathetic excuse for human beings. And a state wants to pass a bill that says someone is good enough to clean their toilets but other wise they don't need them. I paraphrase, but you get the idea. 

So is ignorance really bliss? Yes, sometimes. But most of the time I'm glad of this new grown up me. I (we) need to know what's going on in the world beyond our backyard. We need to be there and speak up for the injustice in the world. We need to fight for the weak. We need to stand up and say "NO, that's not right!". We need to know what's going on in the world so we can make a difference. 

Because if we don't who will? Them? 

Monday, February 28, 2011

After all, today is another day ...

Or something like that. So relationships are like the blue plate special, some days good, some days bad. But we keep going back hoping for a good day. And most of the time we get it.    

Monday, January 17, 2011


Last week we had to let our sweet Ursula go. At 12 years old she had developed kidney failure. It's only the second time I had to let a pet go, and trust me, its does not get easier. Ettore and I stayed with her until the end. I thought the pain would get less intense as the days passed. But it hasn't.

I miss her in the morning at breakfast.

I miss her waiting for me in the evening.

I miss her bitchiness when I tried to pick her up.

I miss her fur all over the couch.

I miss her presence.

Have a safe journey sweetness and wait for me at the bridge.