Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Then what ?

I wake up, have breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, run for the bus.

Then what?

I ignore the remarks, I pretend the books don't hurt when they hit the back of my neck.

Then what?

I take my time suiting up for football, I hide in the locker room while the other boys take a shower.

Then what?

I stand in line while they push past me, I sit alone at lunch pretending I don't need friends.

Then what?

I walk home alone because I missed the bus while hiding from the class bully.

Then what?

I sit alone in my room while I hear the other kids play outside.

Then what?

I lie in bed as I hear the news from the TV in the living room tell of another teen taking his life.

Then what?

I fall asleep as the tears soak my pillow.

Then what?

I wake up ...

I look over at the man laying next to me. And a tear hits the pillow. I tear of joy.

I eat breakfast as the sun shines in.

I drive to work and think of the people in my life that I love, and love me.

I come home and kiss that man while he tells me about his day.

It does get better. But in between the agonizing bus rides, in between the hurtful remarks, in between the pushes, shoves and knock down drag out fights ... life happens.

The good that life can bring to you. The small glimpses of love and happiness is all there. The wonders that you have to offer. You may have to look harder for it, but its worth it.

That's what.

I dedicate this to all the teens that we have lost and to all the teens that we still have time to save.

Friday, September 3, 2010

To long

Wow ... it's been awhile since my last post. Where have I been? What has happened? Let me think about it and I'll get back to you, soon, I promise.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Its the weekend ...

It's the weekend and I have so much to do ...
1) Get dogs washed
8)And all the other things the weekend is about.

But of course we all know what will happen ... nothing.

But then again, that's what weekends are all about.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Thank You

Being Memorial Day I wanted to blog about the hero's in all the arm's of the military.

About how thankful I am to them for all the acts of heroism they perform everyday. Either on the battle field or back in the states behind a desk on the many bases in small towns across America.

I wanted to thank all the family's for the love and support they give their family members in uniform. The family's are sometimes the forgotten hero's. They give everyday, wondering if their loved one(s) will return home safe. And if they do return what horror's of war will they bring with them that may haunt them for the remainder of their days.

My father was in the Air Force until I was 15 or 16. Up until then I had never lived in the same town/house for longer then 2 or 3 years. I never went to the same school long enough to make friends that lasted more then a few years. It was our way of life and I didn't know any better.

Many of my friends now have lived in the same house / town since Jr high, or before. They went to the same church for so many year's the Pastor knows them by name. Sometime I wonder what it would be like to return home and drive by the house I grew up in, to walk in the park that I let my dogs run in. To return to school and talk to all my teachers about growing in the same town.

Then I remember the 2 years we lived in Germany and how we would vacation in the Alps or on the beaches of Spain. How we lived in Mississippi and my dad and I went gigging for flounder, and how I ran screaming out of the water and onto the safety of the beach after I saw an eel. I remember how I was in charge of raising the flag at school in Oklahoma City and the day the Governor visited and I raised the flag upside down.

That's when I remember what a lucky kid I was to have been brought up as an Air Force brat.

I guess it's true ... Home is where the heart is. And right now my heart is in Austin Texas with my mom and dad, or wherever they live.

Thank you for giving me such a rich and loving childhood.

I might have strayed from my topic but bottom line is THANK YOU to all the member's of our armed forces. It's because of you that I live in this great country of ours. And I'm able to have a blog and write whatever I feel.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Time ...

I recently had 3 and a half weeks off from work. Well, I didn't really have it off I was on a medical leave of absence. Stress. I'm not a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon. I work in the entertainment industry. I know ... what kind of stress could I possibly have. Plenty. No matter what we do we have stress, all of us. Its part of the fast life we live. Get the kids ready for work, pack lunches, drop your mate off at work then drive 10 miles to get yourself to work. Get that paper on the lives of army ants in on time. Have dinner ready when the family gets home ... and so on. All stress makers. And we all deals with it in different ways. Drugs, booze,gambling.

Again, I'm going down a different road then I started on.


The first day that I was off I make a list of all the things I wanted to do. Paint. Write. Act. Blog. Work out. Walk the dogs. All great ways of elevating stress. The second day I turned on the TV. Need I say more. 3 and a half weeks is gone in a blink of an eye. Whoosh ... gone.

Now I'm back to work with no time ... no time to do anything I wanted to do.

Lesson learned? Yes ... next time take 4 weeks off.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Downward dog - Part 2

I didn't fart.

I guess anxiety runs in my family. I know for a fact my dad lives on it. Either he's stressed out about my nephew Preston, or plutzing about me and ... wait, I don't think he thinks about me in that way anymore. GRAND KIDS ! And I know my sister has the same problem. We compare notes on the phone all the time about who is stressed out more ... and about the littlest of things.

Anyway ... as I was saying. After I got over the angst of not needing to pass gas I started to relax. I laid on my mat and just kind of let my mind wonder. It was a process at first. The thought of my stove kept creeping in.

Five minutes passed ... then ten. Was I suppose to do something? Start chanting from the book of yoga? Ring a bell? I always get nervous when my eyes are closed and its quite. So I opened one eye to look around. All the women in the class were just laying there too. Cool ! Nap time.

Finally the instructor started class. Sunday started Earth Week and as we lay there she spoke of being one with mother nature. Having roots with the earth. I felt so 60's ! As she spoke I could feel my body relax and I felt so comfortable. Very hard for me to do in a room full of strangers. Then the thoughts started ... " I am SO going to do yoga everyday!" "I'm going to become a yoga INSTRUCTOR!" "I am going to start my own YOGA STUDIO!"

After the L-Tryptophan took effect again I could relax. The rest of the class was spent at the zoo. Downward dog, the cobra and my fav, the Flamingo. I don't think that's the yoga term for it but its all I could picture ... 20 flamingo's standing on one leg looking to their leader for instruction (thank goodness I was next to a wall).

After class Carolann and I introduced ourselves to Yoda (or is it yogie? Or in this case a female, yogette?). I said I was a yoga virgin and she said she never would have guessed. Who knew Yoda had a sense of humor.

P.S. I will be going back ... as soon as I buy a mat, a yoga pillow, cute shorts, a few tanks to show off my tattoo ...

And the thoughts never end.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Downward dog or my first Yoga class

I wandered into the unknown today, Yoga class. My friend Carolann caught me in a weak moment ... at a dinner party Friday night after a few glasses of wine.
"Sure I'll go ! Sounds like fun ! How hard could it me ?!?!?" forgetting my phobia about hard work. So Saturday morning I get a text ... "Class is at 930a Sunday, should I come pick you up?" Apparently she had less wine then I thought and remembered the whole conversation. Sure I thought, come by. I'll be in bed but come by anyway. I was sure I could talk her into a latte and shopping.

925a Sunday ... knock knock. I answered the door (with my latte). I knew the smell of fresh ground coffee beans would get her. So such luck. "Do you have a mat?" "Got your water?" "Are your feet clean?" Really? A mat? Water? Clean feet? Are we going camping with a podiatrist?

We got to the class, Yoga Blend, a few minutes early. Enough time for me to have an anxiety attack. The guy at the front desk was very sweet. I told him I was a yoga virgin "Welcome! We're so glad to have you! Do you need a mat? Water?" No I thought, I'm totally prepared to camp with the foot guy. As we walked down the hall to the class room I saw the shoes lined up.
Light bulb!

I took off my shoes and socks eager to show off my clean feet. The room was a good size with low lighting and hardwood floors. I could hear music softly playing, something you might hear in a monks temple (or at least what I imagined monks would play as my time spent with the Dalai Lama was so long ago).We placed our mats on the floor, mine behind Carolann. As I sat on the mat I had second thoughts about the real estate I had staked out and the looseness of my shorts. Oh well, she was an ex-actress, I'm sure my junk wouldn't be the first gay junk she had seen.

As I lay on my mat a thousand things rushed through my mind (and I'm quite sure one of the purposes of yoga is to CLEAR the mind). "Did I lock the front door" "Did I turn off the stove?" " "Can Carolann see my junk?" "What was that spot on the ceiling?" "Do dogs really see in black and white?"

As the teacher entered the room I felt a kind of calmness come over me. I really did. "Wow, this might be ok" Only to be followed by "I have to fart". Great.

More tomorrow ...

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Saturday ramble ...

So its Saturday and raining. And dark(ish). I should be reading for my exam on Monday but I heard a voice ... "Daaaaaaaavid ... I'm lonely". It was coming from my MAC. I had left him in the living room as I studied in the dining room. Yes I call my MAC a him, so what? Anyway ... I had an attack of ADHD earlier and left him unattended. Goodness knows what he got up to in his unsupervised time. I know I tend to get in trouble when left alone. I got my MAC two years ago and the love affair is still going strong. I was a PC man since the beginning of time and it was a hate / hate affair. MAC was MADE for people like me ! Click and drag ... what could be easier? But its presented a problem, I can't leave him alone. Day and night I can be found typing away at his keys. GOOGLE search - Elvis. BING search - what is the longest bridge in the world? Just the touch of his silky smooth keys get me hot. And boy is he fast ! And I can open many windows at a time. It really comes in handy for looking up on "Thesaurus". Rain, Rein or Reign?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I promise to ...

be more supportive of all you do, no matter how small the task, no matter how trivial it is ... if its important to you it's important to me.

put the dishes away

be more responsible with money.

watch less TV and go out.

believe you when you say "I love you"

kiss you goodnight before we sleep.

believe you when you say its work i.e. Oscar's , drinks with friends, Abby, ex-wife's house.

believe you when you say "you matter to me" , "you mean the world to me".

play less Elvis, Eartha, Jane Oliver on Sunday's or when I'm depressed.

be less depressed.

to get less hysterical when Rhett says "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn" and when Laura doesn't turn to see Yuri.

dream in color.

be less jaded about love.

be less self-conscious.

believe in myself.

be a partner in our relationship.

carry half the weight, half the responsibility, half the burden.

adore love like Lady GaGa.

enjoy your FaceBook updates.

believe you really know all 1,097 of your FaceBook friends.

be my own person apart from you but still connected to you.

believe "he's a friend".

believe you're really tired.

not bitch about my weight while eating ice cream.

In short I promise to be more like the man you fell in love with while still being true to myself.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Guess who got a new camera ... ???

Me ! I've had camera's before but this one is a Canon something or other. What I love about it most is it allows me to take really close up photo's. I took these in my garden over the weekend. I spent an entire hour looking for a bee ... when you are not looking for them they are everywhere. Of course the boys had to get in on the act ...

Poor Sweet Bruce ... so unaware that in the next few weeks he'll be chased, teased, coxed, prodded, bribed, hounded, nipped, dipped and clipped in order for me to get that perfect picture.