We are what we dog

   Are our dogs a reflection of us? Like our kids? 

   We bathe them, feed them, shelter them. Some of us even clothe them. We love them, scold them and yes even send them to school. Our dogs are treated like family. 

   I was walking Louis today (the other two didn't want to come, really, they didn't) and as we walked by a house in our neighborhood a dog came running at us. Soon followed by a girl about 11 years old. It was a small dog but that's not the point. Poor Louis was so surprised that he let out a blood curdling yelp. He wasn't hurt, just startled. I yelled at the girl "Get your dog out of here!" She started to apologize left, right and center. I, being the adult that I am, gave her a glare that would have turned anyone to stone, grabbed Louis and stomped off like I was injured. I can hear it now, "Mommy, who was that grumpy old man?"

   Our pets are our lives. I'm not telling you animal lovers anything new. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and my first pet outside of my parents home was Austin, a cat from the North Hollywood pound. He lived until the age of 19. I finally had to put him down and I don't think I had ever felt such pain.  I had experienced lost before, grandparents, friends. But this was different. I'm not going to say it was a worse pain then losing a grandparent or friend, that would be cold, right? But it was a different kind of loss. With in 2 months of Austin's passing I got the girls, Ursula and Squeaky, two feral cats from Park La Brea. They are now 10 (and living happily with our 3 dogs). 

   When I finally got a house of my own I made a trip to the city pound, even before Home Depot. I could not bare a house without a dog. Thank goodness my partner was on the same page. Sometimes I think he is even nuttier them I am when it comes to the boys. We even fight over how they should be "disciplined".

   We as pets owners take offence when someone says our dog is fat, ugly or stupid. We REALLY do. I have had heated arguments about Bruce's' weight. For the record ... he's just right for a basset and all comments to the contrary will be deleted. What have these beast's done that we have taken them into our homes and lavished upon them all that we have to offer? 

   I'll tell you. They protect us, love us, humor us, depend on us and worship us. They make us laugh and cry. They are waiting for us at the end of the day when everyone has gotten on our last nerve ... they are the one waiting at the door to lavished upon us unconditional love. 

Thoughts ...

   Thoughts ... my dog is barking. I hate it when he barks. All I can see is the neighbors sitting in their living rooms saying  "That's that damn basset again! I thought they were mellow dogs?" So did we. 

   Thoughts ... do we get tattoos for ourselves or for others to see? I know I got mine for me. But I can also see it, on my arm. What about people who get it on their backs? 

   Thoughts ... I always wanted to be an actor. But fear got the best of me. Fear that I want it so bad if I tried and failed I would die. 

   Thoughts ... I also want to be a rock star ... but I guess not as bad as I want to be an actor ... I've karaoked. 

   Thoughts ... are dogs really color blind? 

   Thoughts ... my great Aunt has Alzheimer's. I think of her a lot.

   Thoughts ... I think of the friends that I have on FaceBook that I haven't spoken to in years but I still accepted the "friend request". Why ? 

   Thoughts ... I think of the "friends" on FB that I have ignored and feel guilty. But not as guilty as I feel when I think of that chocolate I ate today.

   Thoughts ... I think of Cancun with my family. I think of all the laughs we have. I think of my nephew learning to love the pool and ocean. 

   Thoughts ... I think how some country songs could be the theme song to my life. 

   Thoughts ... I think how lucky I am to have my family.

   Thoughts ... I think of the friends that I have lost over the years. I miss them. 

   Thoughts ... I think of the friends that I still have in my life. I smile. 

   Thoughts ... I think of my partner. I smile even bigger. 

   I look back on this blog and see it was totally self indulgent, sorry.

Perez Hilton ... I hate you

   OK, hate might be a strong word. But I mean really! Who does he thing he is? The King of the Blogsphere? A friend who reads his blog faithfully said a while ago he posted something about an "A" list actor and how he should come out of the closet and be an example to all the kids out their that are still in the closet. Really? I've heard this a lot from others in the gay community. Others with a much better reputation then Mr Hilton. 

   And since when was Hollywood the thermometer up the ass of society? Do people really look to Hollywood for moral guidance? I don't know about you but I got mine from my parents and my upbringing.  I would never bash "Glitzville" (as I make my living there) but I know how those people work. I've lived here to long not to. 

   I guess we have two separate issues here. One, does an actor (or any one for that matter) have a moral obligation to come out in order to make it easier for others to follow? And two, if they choose not to come out is it people like Hiltons' job to out them?

   I came out to my parents when I was 16/17 years old. I was very lucky ... it was not a huge deal. Or at least that's how I remember it. In contrast, I had a friend come out and his parents packed his bags and told him to leave. He was 16! 

   Coming out is a very personal decision. Not everyone is lucky to have parents like me. Many, many parents (and I use the term loosely) would rather their children live on the street then have them under their roof. Would rather them live from one cardboard box to another then have them live under their roof. Would rather them be at the mercy of thugs in the streets then under their roofs. 

   They don't take into consideration that their child is a loving, caring human being. All they see is gay. They don't take into consideration that this child they are tossing to the curb has feelings. That this child has the ability to love another human. None of this is seen. All they see is gay and what they think gay is.  

   It's not a surprise that kids don't come out. Look at what they have to loose. Yes ... in a perfect world a kid would say "Mom, dad ... I'm gay".  Mom would tear up and say "Oh honey, we love you". Dad would pick up the phone ... "Fred its Harry. My son is gay. Have a cigar!" One day.  

   On the flip side I know many parents (including mine) who support their children 100% ... here's to you ! 

   Anyway Mr Hilton ... the decision as to when someone should come out is NOT yours to make. Its the individuals. Stop being so damn arrogant. But I guess that's what "sells" your blog.

   Jealousy? Jealousy? Table for one? 

When did this happen?

   I got out of the shower this morning ... panting ! When did I become this Water Buffalo? Not long ago I was spinning 5 days a week, eating veges and reveling in the praises "OMG David ! You look great !" Yes, I did. I had shed 18 pounds in 8 weeks. The weight loss showed mostly in my face. For you see I have been blessed with a "moon" face. I am also a moon child (cancerian). I like the moon, I would just prefer not to look so ... round. When I lose weight I actually get cheek bones. 

   For 8 weeks I  was on a strict weight loss program with a nutritionist and work out program. Up at 530am to a 6am spinning class. My spinning instructors were two women who I learned to hate like you hate the cheerleaders in high school. Perky, thin and ever so cheer full. Who the hell needed that at 6am 5 days a week? When I got home I had a bowl of oatmeal (steel cut of course) or a banana (but not more than 3 a week) for breakfast. 

   I cut out all dairy,chicken,sugar,soy,bread and alcohol. I limited my red meat intake as well as fish (mercury you see). Cutting out dairy meant I had to cut out cheese in my omelet, milk in my latte and yogurt. I did all my shopping at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. Its not cheap to eat healthy. I was in bed by 10pm every night so I wouldn't miss my spinning class. I stayed away from friends who liked to eat out at "un-healthy" places. I missed many a party in the Hollywood Hills. EIGHT weeks this went on for ... PLUS I managed to go to Cancun for a week and LOSE a pound !  

   WHAT HAPPENED ??? 

   I'll tell you what happened ... life. Work happened. Business meetings happened. The holidays happened. Party's happened. ETC ! Its takes a lot out of a person to keep up that kind of lifestyle. 

   

   Now if you are one of those freaks (he says lovingly) that has no problem with all this and it just kind of comes naturally ... never mind. 

   I do plan to get back on the wagon ... soon. I still have my Golds membership, my shorts and my t's. All nicely folded in my drawer waiting for me to take them out into the light of day again.

Better off without ?

   I was lucky enough to know and remember all four of my grandparents. 

   My grandfather on my mothers side was the first to leave us. I was 7 or 8 when he died and I remember him as a tall man with graying hair and a pipe. I still love the smell of pipes. The war had left him with a wooden leg. Because of this the English government gave him a small one person car. It was almost like the car a clown drives in a circus. I remember sitting on the floor between the seat and door hiding because he was not allowed to have anyone else in the car. And to be honest their really wasn't room for anyone other then a small child. But he would take me on rides all the time, whenever my mother wasn't looking.

   My grandmother was a typical English granny (Nannie to me). She was short, round and always had a gentle word for me. Unless she caught me picking her snapdragons from her garden. 

I still find it hard to resist the temptation to pick one when I pass a garden. After my grandfather died she came to live with us. My sister and I were lucky enough to live in the same house with her while we grew up. When she died with her family by her side she was 93.

   My fathers dad Opa (dutch for grandfather) was also a tall man. He and my grandmother, Oma (dutch for grandmother) lived in Florida, where I was born, for years. They lived on a huge piece of property near where the circus people lived in the winter (that circus reference again, weird). I loved visiting and watching the elephants eat. 

My grandparents also had cats and a basset. I'm not sure its because of them but I now have 2 cats and 3 bassets. Oma was a quite, loving grandmother. She spoke 3 languages and it was fun to listen to her talk to my dad and his sisters in Spanish then turn to my grandfather and speak dutch and then to me and my cousins in English.  Opa was a little HARD OF HEARING and one day I got my head caught in the power windows of his tank-like Oldsmobile.

   Oh the memories.  

   I do have a point to this little walk down memory lane. A good friend of mine is having a hard time with her mother. So hard in fact that they have not spoken in months. My friend, I'll call her "Jane", has two lovely little girls and has decided that because of past and present behavior her mother, I'll call her Mary, she has cut all ties with her and has not allowed her the see the girls. Harsh? I have known this family for 14 years and have seen first hand what Grand Ma Mary is capable of. Now my opinion is just that, my opinion. It's not my family and I will never be in the position that they are in.

   But it brings me to this question ...

   "Do grandparents automatically have the right to be in the grand kids lives just due to the fact that they are blood?"

 

   Some say that you have to have the grandparents involved or you are depriving the children. What if the grandparents are not nice people? Just because you are a grandmother or grandfather does not mean you are a good person. My partner has horrible memories of this grandmother and the terrible things she would say and do.

   I have seen my friend Jane and her husband with their girls. You could not ask for more loving parents. They also have a huge extended family of friends. Is that enough?Will these girls grow up resenting mom and dad from keeping them from their grandparents? Or will they thank them later in life for making their childhood one of pleasant memories? 

   Thank you Grand Dad, Nannie, Oma and Opa for wonderful memories I will never forget. 

Gay Marriage

   I have a partner. We have been together 14 years. We have a mortgage, two cars payments, full time jobs, 3 dogs, two cats, etc.. We're not married. Oh did I mention that we love each other?

   According to the government I can't get married like straight couples. Or can I? I also have many female friends that I truly love. I have a friend that I have know for 19 years and another friend I have known for 30 (ouch, seeing that in writing really hurts). And I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I love them like a loving straight marriage, minus the sex. 

   We have cried together, laughed together, grieved together, and celebrated together. We know each others secrets. We know how to push each others buttons. We call one another in the middle of the night when we're scared. We are happy for each other when we get raises and we are there for one another when we get fired and need a helping hand.

   How many people get married for reasons other then love? Citizenship, health insurance, a baby? What happened to marrying for love? Yes, I know a lot of people do, but I'm sure many others do it for the reasons I just mentioned. I don't see the Mormons spending $30,000,000 (how many starving children would that have fed?) trying to stop "Married Couples Who Have A Kid But Hate Each Other". As long as they are "Man and Woman" it's all good. Does love fall into play at all with these people? I'm just picking on the Mormons because they just seem to be the most out spoken entity standing between me and my "Happily ever after". Does love even matter? 

   Not according to 7,001,084 Californians and many other Americans. As long as you are the opposite sex as your intended you can marry. So, here is what I propose boys ... marry your best girl. Call her right now and set a date. Then call the Beverly Wilshire and reserve the Grand Ball Room. Call the florist and order those roses. Call the caterer and order all the chicken and fish your 200 guests can eat. Call that 70's/80's revival band that specializes in ABBA songs. 

   Then call the church because you are marring the woman of your dreams.

 

   Gloria Allred please stand-by.

On the eve of history ...

   I saw part of the HBO special "We are one" last night and I'm really pissed I missed most of it. But is has inspired my blog today. 

   A few months ago I was driving home from work talking to my father on the cell. At the time I was still "Obama, McCain, Obama, McCain". My father, being the full on Democrat that he is, was trying to "campaign" one more vote for Obama. Let me remind you ... the man is a retired Air Force Major with 20 military years under his belt. He is also the father of a gay man and my biggest supporter (as well as my mother and sister).  Now you know why I am thankful everyday. Anyway ... he said something about Obama and Kennedy in the same sentence and I snapped "Obama is NO Kennedy!" I think back now and cringe about my reaction. First of all, I was not even born when he was elected and only a year and a half old when he was killed by an assassin's bullet's. Second, I had no idea WHY that struck a cord in me. To this day it baffles me. 

   Obviously I was not of age for the Kennedy administration but I have heard and seen enough footage to understand a bit of the emotion the country was feeling. I have been watching the news a lot lately and I have to say ... I get very emotional when I see and hear President Elect Obama. I'm not sure if its the fact that I'm so tired of the mess this country is in and just want a change or if its just that he has "something" and I want so hard for him to just make it better. Probably a little of both. We need help and both Democrats and Republicans know it. With that said I also have to say I am afraid of what the future has to bring. I truly believe that President Elect Obama will be in constant danger. I pray I am wrong. 

   I have a very diverse group of friends. And they all have opinion's. Some are truly opinions but others they to pass them off as fact.  They have formed these facts after they heard a spouse or friend mention it. And with out fact checking ... poof ... it has now become their opinion at the next cocktail party. I fell into that category for a long time. My ex-partner was somebody I was with for 15 years and as far as I was concerned his opinion was law. If he said water was dry ... it was. Not because he was arrogant about his opinions or anything it was just that I looked up to him. I am now older and wiser and have learned that I have my own opinion. And in doing so I need back up. I need to research it. I never (well, rarely) get into heated arguments anymore unless I have back up.  Sh*t ... I lost my point ! Yes ... the opinions I hear about Obama ... are based on emotion, hate, fear and unfortunately racism. As well as the frustration of an out going president that they had put their trust in and deep down inside they know has let them down. 

   Isn't that what racism really is? Fear of that we don't know and understand? But fear of what? Fear that if we took the time we might actually like each other? And even if we don't, do we have to hate so much? I know Rodney King will never be able to live down what he said that has entered him into the LA history books, but really ... Why cant we all just get along? Is it that hard? Am I that naive for asking?

   I'm starting to babble. But its my blog and I'll babble if I want to.

   Happy Inauguration Day and cheers to a better tomorrow.