More work needed

Denial - Thoughts that "if I just do (fill in the blank) " or "if I just don't do (fill in the blank)"


Anger - Failure to allow yourself this stage can do more harm then good. Allow it, feel it, move through it.


Bargaining - Either with ourselves, in our head ...  "One more chance and I'll be better listener". Or with our partner ... "Really, I know how to be a better partner now." Or with your greater power ... "PLEASE ! I can't live without him!"


Depression - We need to force ourselves to go out and do things that interest us even though it feels like the last thing we want to do.


Acceptance - I'll make it. I grew as a person and it's all ok. I've learned from this experience. 


People change.  We might even get bored with each other. We as people evolve; our circumstances change - and sometimes relationships can't be maintained as a result. But if you really know your partner, the changes won't be as shocking.


When there is an imbalance of power in a relationship, it's always a sign of disaster. Equality is the key. We need to be involved in every aspect of our relationships. Be present.


We don't start into a into a relationship wanting to make each other miserable. We want to be the best we can for ourselves and our partner.


Some of us have an inability to connect deeply to our partner. And it makes us feel single even when we're in a long-term relationship. 


No partner can give you the security, or love unless you're willing to give that to yourself first. Our heart longs for someone else to do it for us.


Sometimes we "zone out","check out" in our relationships because being in any relationship is better then being along. We don't want to make waves, rock the boat.


Is being to close a bad thing? Do we suffocate our mate? If you look towards your partner to keep you safe and happy they will eventually start to resent you for doing the work you need to do for yourself. 


Before we point the blame we need to look deep inside. Are we hiding things from ourselves? Do we need to make some changes? 


After a break up we need to put our self first before we can really enjoy our next relationship. We need to look out for us first. We need to really get to know ourselves. Then we are ready to enjoy the type of relationship we deserve. 


Remember ... we are all a work in progress. 

If dogs could talk

If dogs could talk would we really want to hear what they have to say?


"How come you only feed me twice a day?"
"You know what ... your shorts don't really smell that good"
"That walk we take everyday ... its getting kinda boring. Can we try another block?"
"Your singing ... STOP !"
"And about that radio you leave on when you leave ... PLEASE change the station. A dog can only handle so much of 70's rock!"
"And another thing. That dog you call my brother ... he's not my brother. If I had any say in the matter he would be so outa here. He pushes me out of bed, steals my treats and when you aren't looking he pee's on the side of the couch. AND he eats his poop! Gross!"
"And one last thing. I HATE this dress I'm wearing. It washes the color from my eyes"


On the other hand ...

"I love you" can never be heard enough.

Today is Sunday ...

I've always loved Sundays. Even as a kid I loved the lazy way a Sunday enveloped me. 

As an adult I love the way Sundays seemed to linger. Sleeping in late(well, as late as the dogs let me). Reading. Running errands. Spending time with the dogs. Brunch with friends. Planning for the week ahead. Church (that one is for my mom). Taking in a movie or two. 


Sundays are like an aperitif. The perfect end to a great week. 

A few of my favorite things

Don't You Remember - Adele
I Drove All Night - Cyndi Lauper
Kiss Me In The Rain - Barbra Streisand
My Bonnie - Laura Smith
Stay The Night - Jane Olivor
Ti Amo - Laura Branigan

When All Is Said And Done - ABBA 

I guess I'm feeling a little melancholy today. But I think we are all allowed to. It's good for the soul.

We shouldn't wallow in melancholy(ness) but a good sadness cleanse  is good for us all. 

So having said that I am off to do what all good cleanses start with ... a new outfit. Look out Neiman Marcus, here I come.

Time to move on

Relationships are never easy, right? When two people get together you are bound to have differences. You like vanilla and he likes chocolate. You're a morning person, he loves to stay out late. You love cats and he wants a dog. 


But you work it out. You compromise. You go out on a date once a month and stay out as long as he wants to. You buy Neapolitan ice cream (and give the strawberry to the dog that you compromised for). 


But sometimes it just doesn't work. No matter how hard you try to make it work the other half of your life just wants to give up. He's had enough. And at that point you need to realize that its over. 


You need to stop wallowing in self-pity and pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get on with your life. You need to stop being afraid of what's out there and get on with it. Life goes on and so will you. Friends and family will gather round you like a circle of wagons and protect you. They will be there for you to talk to, cry with and eventually laugh with at the end of the long dark tunnel that you see before you. That dim light you see far, far away ... its your new life waiting for you. 

But in order to move on and open yourself up to a new relationship you also have to take responsibility for the one you are leaving. 

Maybe you weren't supportive enough in the things he did. Maybe you left the cleaning up to him. You might not have been motivated enough in your business life to strive for more, to make yourself better. Yes, even lazy. Maybe you suffocated him in the relationship. Not allowing yourself the freedom to do things outside the two of you.

And after you have allowed yourself to forgive, you and him, its time to move on. 

Time to say good-buy to the house that he made a home.

Time to leave the tree's that you planted in the yard that flourished more then the relationship did. 


Time to split up the things you have collected and cherished over the years. 


Time to do what's right for you and move on when you finally realize that nothing you do or say can fix the last few years together. 


Time to move on. 

Dog vs. Flea

It's easier to empathize with the dog than the flea.
                                                          - Eric Greene

But why? 


We all do it. They are both living, breathing lives. They both have a heart, lungs, a brain, etc. They both feel pain. But we have no problem squeezing the life out of a flea between our fingers. Is it because the flea can't look us in the eyes? Or maybe because the flea is infesting our "family member"? 


I struggle with animal ethic's everyday. I eat pork and beef but the thought of eating a dog or cat makes me light headed. I'll have a chicken salad sandwich, but a Parakeet on sour dough? I'd rather eat my dirty shoe.


I know I'm not going to be popular with my vegan friends, but ... I tried to be a vegan several times. Longest hour of my life. My body needs meat. Hypocrite? Me? Yes. And I am not happy about it. 


I have three dogs and a cat that I love with all my heart. I would live under a bridge before I gave them up. But for lunch today I had a chicken burrito and didn't think twice about it. Now that I'm writing about it I wish I would have chosen the veggie wrap. 


I'm in the middle of a great book, "Some we love, some we hate, some we eat" by Hal Herzog. Its all about our relationships with animals. I don't agree on some of his views but some make a lot of sense. One chapter asks "Are dogs suck-up's compared to cats?". You have to be a cat and dog person to understand that. 


How many dogs are euthanized each year? How many people go hungry each year. Think about it ... they are already dead, right? Please don't get me wrong. I think it's the most unimaginable scenario ever. But why? Is it the cuteness factor? The fact that we share our home's and beds with these loving creatures? Maybe because we are taught from a young age to love dogs/cats and eat cows/pigs?


What ever the reason, I find the relationship between animals and humans fascinating. 


And don't worry, Bruce (my dog) is safe from becoming the family meal. 


By the way ... would you ever eat a Patagonian Tooth fish? You probably already have. It's a Chilean Sea bass. 


Food for thought, so to speak. 

Renewal ...

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months that you feel so good you feel like you have had an "awaking"? Only to find out it was all in your head. Things haven't really changed. You really didn't loose 3 pounds. Traffic is still as bad as it always has been. Reality can suck sometimes.

Well I have noticed that if you think and feel it ... it really does make a difference in your mood and environment. And things do fall into place. It may take some time but don't give up. There is a lot to say for positive energy.

Just ask Scarlett.