Saturday, January 7, 2012
More work needed
Denial - Thoughts that "if I just do (fill in the blank) " or "if I just don't do (fill in the blank)"
Anger - Failure to allow yourself this stage can do more harm then good. Allow it, feel it, move through it.
Bargaining - Either with ourselves, in our head ... "One more chance and I'll be better listener". Or with our partner ... "Really, I know how to be a better partner now." Or with your greater power ... "PLEASE ! I can't live without him!"
Depression - We need to force ourselves to go out and do things that interest us even though it feels like the last thing we want to do.
Acceptance - I'll make it. I grew as a person and it's all ok. I've learned from this experience.
People change. We might even get bored with each other. We as people evolve; our circumstances change - and sometimes relationships can't be maintained as a result. But if you really know your partner, the changes won't be as shocking.
When there is an imbalance of power in a relationship, it's always a sign of disaster. Equality is the key. We need to be involved in every aspect of our relationships. Be present.
We don't start into a into a relationship wanting to make each other miserable. We want to be the best we can for ourselves and our partner.
Some of us have an inability to connect deeply to our partner. And it makes us feel single even when we're in a long-term relationship.
No partner can give you the security, or love unless you're willing to give that to yourself first. Our heart longs for someone else to do it for us.
Sometimes we "zone out","check out" in our relationships because being in any relationship is better then being along. We don't want to make waves, rock the boat.
Is being to close a bad thing? Do we suffocate our mate? If you look towards your partner to keep you safe and happy they will eventually start to resent you for doing the work you need to do for yourself.
Before we point the blame we need to look deep inside. Are we hiding things from ourselves? Do we need to make some changes?
After a break up we need to put our self first before we can really enjoy our next relationship. We need to look out for us first. We need to really get to know ourselves. Then we are ready to enjoy the type of relationship we deserve.
Remember ... we are all a work in progress.