Downward dog or my first Yoga class

I wandered into the unknown today, Yoga class. My friend Carolann caught me in a weak moment ... at a dinner party Friday night after a few glasses of wine.

"Sure I'll go ! Sounds like fun ! How hard could it me ?!?!?" forgetting my phobia about hard work. So Saturday morning I get a text ... "Class is at 930a Sunday, should I come pick you up?" Apparently she had less wine then I thought and remembered the whole conversation. Sure I thought, come by. I'll be in bed but come by anyway. I was sure I could talk her into a latte and shopping.

925a Sunday ... knock knock. I answered the door (with my latte). I knew the smell of fresh ground coffee beans would get her. So such luck. "Do you have a mat?" "Got your water?" "Are your feet clean?" Really? A mat? Water? Clean feet? Are we going camping with a podiatrist?

We got to the class, Yoga Blend, a few minutes early. Enough time for me to have an anxiety attack. The guy at the front desk was very sweet. I told him I was a yoga virgin "Welcome! We're so glad to have you! Do you need a mat? Water?" No I thought, I'm totally prepared to camp with the foot guy. As we walked down the hall to the class room I saw the shoes lined up.

Light bulb!

I took off my shoes and socks eager to show off my clean feet. The room was a good size with low lighting and hardwood floors. I could hear music softly playing, something you might hear in a monks temple (or at least what I imagined monks would play as my time spent with the Dalai Lama was so long ago).We placed our mats on the floor, mine behind Carolann. As I sat on the mat I had second thoughts about the real estate I had staked out and the looseness of my shorts. Oh well, she was an ex-actress, I'm sure my junk wouldn't be the first gay junk she had seen.

As I lay on my mat a thousand things rushed through my mind (and I'm quite sure one of the purposes of yoga is to CLEAR the mind). "Did I lock the front door" "Did I turn off the stove?" " "Can Carolann see my junk?" "What was that spot on the ceiling?" "Do dogs really see in black and white?"

As the teacher entered the room I felt a kind of calmness come over me. I really did. "Wow, this might be ok" Only to be followed by "I have to fart". Great.

More tomorrow ...

Saturday ramble ...

So its Saturday and raining. And dark(ish). I should be reading for my exam on Monday but I heard a voice ... "Daaaaaaaavid ... I'm lonely". It was coming from my MAC. I had left him in the living room as I studied in the dining room. Yes I call my MAC a him, so what? Anyway ... I had an attack of ADHD earlier and left him unattended. Goodness knows what he got up to in his unsupervised time. I know I tend to get in trouble when left alone. I got my MAC two years ago and the love affair is still going strong. I was a PC man since the beginning of time and it was a hate / hate affair. MAC was MADE for people like me ! Click and drag ... what could be easier? But its presented a problem, I can't leave him alone. Day and night I can be found typing away at his keys. GOOGLE search - Elvis. BING search - what is the longest bridge in the world? Just the touch of his silky smooth keys get me hot. And boy is he fast ! And I can open many windows at a time. It really comes in handy for looking up on "Thesaurus". Rain, Rein or Reign?

I promise to ...

be more supportive of all you do, no matter how small the task, no matter how trivial it is ... if its important to you it's important to me.

put the dishes away

be more responsible with money.

watch less TV and go out.

believe you when you say "I love you"

kiss you goodnight before we sleep.

believe you when you say its work i.e. Oscar's , drinks with friends, Abby, ex-wife's house.

believe you when you say "you matter to me" , "you mean the world to me".

play less Elvis, Eartha, Jane Oliver on Sunday's or when I'm depressed.

be less depressed.

to get less hysterical when Rhett says "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn" and when Laura doesn't turn to see Yuri.

dream in color.

be less jaded about love.

be less self-conscious.

believe in myself.

be a partner in our relationship.

carry half the weight, half the responsibility, half the burden.

adore love like Lady GaGa.

enjoy your FaceBook updates.

believe you really know all 1,097 of your FaceBook friends.

be my own person apart from you but still connected to you.

believe "he's a friend".

believe you're really tired.

not bitch about my weight while eating ice cream.

In short I promise to be more like the man you fell in love with while still being true to myself.

Guess who got a new camera ... ???

Me ! I've had camera's before but this one is a Canon something or other. What I love about it most is it allows me to take really close up photo's. I took these in my garden over the weekend. I spent an entire hour looking for a bee ... when you are not looking for them they are everywhere. Of course the boys had to get in on the act ...

Poor Sweet Bruce ... so unaware that in the next few weeks he'll be chased, teased, coxed, prodded, bribed, hounded, nipped, dipped and clipped in order for me to get that perfect picture.

I miss you my dear blog

I've decided having a blog is like seeing an old movie you haven't seen in ages "Ahhh ... I forgot how much I love you".

Lets see ... where was I ... oh yes, acting. OK next. Lets just say I need help in other departments before I try that again. I was terrified to say the least. But I did it ... for 3 weeks. That's got to be some kind of record for me. And I have to say I didn't suck. I got some kind of rush from it. Like from the effects of a drugs (not that I would know). When I wasn't peeing my pants I felt ... free. I know it sounds corny but it's true. But for now I'll keep the acting thing in by back pocket.

My next adventure is single life. Maybe. My partner and I have not been seeing eye to eye lately. We ( I ) am trying to work it out. Fingers crossed. We'll see.

Blah blah blah ...

So here I am at work ( shhhhhh) blogging. Wrong? Yes. Necessary? Yes. Thanks to "Confessions of a Pioneer Woman" I am trying a new thing. To blog everyday ... or at least every other day, every other week ??? Who knows ... maybe I too will have enough readers for The Gap to advertise in my blog.

To be or not to be ...

Maybe he should have written "To act or not to act". Ever since I can remember I have been practicing my Oscar speech ...

"I'd like to thank all the little people I stepped over on the way to the top ... "

Or ...

"I can't believe you like me, you really like me ! "

OK, maybe that last one has been said before. But in all seriousness I have always wanted to be an actor. I don't think a lot of people know that about me. I love movies and the emotion they invoke in people, in me.

Some of the best movies are the one's that make you laugh so hard you snort and by the time you leave the theatre your stomach hurts. Or the one that makes you cry even after the movie ends and you have to run into a corner of the theatre and completely lose your shit (long story, I'll tell you later).

The music, the camera angles, the dialogue, the story line. It all adds up to a feeding frenzy for my senses. On orgy of emotions. After seeing a good movie I leave thinking "I want to do that. I want to make people laugh. I want to make people cry."

Is it an ego thing? I'd be lying if I said no. Is it the lure of the money that can be made if you are good (and lucky)? Again, lying if I said no. Is it the endless lines of men/women just waiting to do anything you want? Again, lie. It's this but something much more. At least for me it is.

I told a good friend the other day I wanted to act, not necessarily be an actor, but act. Its something so deep inside me that I have been afraid to try. Something so necessary for me to live I'm afraid to face it. Something buried so far down that as I write these words the tears are forming. I need to act. And if I try and fail it will leave me a broken person. So guess what? I've kept it deep inside. That way I can't fail.

Until 2 days ago. I enrolled in an acting class. I was terrified. I had called in the afternoon after a good friend suggested this school (thanks CA ! ). A lovely girl (who I pictured to be 12) answered and in her perky, fast voice coxed me into coming in on Saturday. I agreed. I called my friend back and she insisted that I go THAT AFTERNOON ! What ? Are you nuts?!?!?!? But she knows me well enough to know if I didn't go asap I would find an excuse on Saturday not to go. And she's right.

So I went. Sweaty palms and all. Throwing up butterfly's all the way. Nausea, headache, fever, aches. Wait , maybe I was getting the flu. Maybe I was so sick I should stay home. Good try. I kept driving. I was going to face my fears, swine flu and all.

I'm not sure even my friends know how painfully shy I am. PAINFULLY ! If I enter a room and don't know anyone I will stand in the corner not speaking or looking at anyone. A lot of people mistake that for being a snob or an attitude of being better then everyone else. It's not. It's called fear of rejection. But why ? Why do we care what strangers think of us? I read on a FaceBook status once "Why are we nicer to strangers then we are to our own family?" OMG ... I am going down such a different street from the one I started on ! But I guess it's all intertwined.

Back to the story at hand ... but later. Its 1112p and I have acting class tomorrow. And my flu is back.