Renewal ...

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months that you feel so good you feel like you have had an "awaking"? Only to find out it was all in your head. Things haven't really changed. You really didn't loose 3 pounds. Traffic is still as bad as it always has been. Reality can suck sometimes.

Well I have noticed that if you think and feel it ... it really does make a difference in your mood and environment. And things do fall into place. It may take some time but don't give up. There is a lot to say for positive energy.

Just ask Scarlett.

‘An Incredible Spirit’

 Fabiola Maria Herdoiza Correa, 75, of Overland Park

June 12, at home surrounded by family, peacefully from natural causes

Fabiola was born in Riobamba, Ecuador in 1935, the beloved daughter of Papa Justito and Mama Julita, and the youngest of seven children – one brother and six sisters.   Fabiola came to the United States in 1952.  She embraced her new country, yet was always fiercely proud of her Ecuadorian heritage.  She and her devoted husband, Dr. Alfonso Herdoiza, were married for 59 years and raised three children together – Fabiola, Alberto and Elizabeth.

Fabiola was passionate about her love of family and friends.  She was a wonderful mother and grandmother.  Loving, tender, gentle, fun, warmly affectionate and so supportive of their happiness.  “When I was fourteen, my mom gave me a blank check so I could buy my first horse.  Because of that, I was able to follow my lifelong passion for horses”, said Lisa, her youngest daughter.  Fabiola helped her children follow their dreams because she wanted them to be happy.  With her unconditional love, she was a positive influence in their lives.

She also brought her passion to her work with charitable organizations and the community at large.  She was past president of the Metropolitan Medical Society Auxiliary of Greater Kansas City, Cosmopolitan International and Mini Mundo.  She served as a commissioner from Ecuador for the Mayor’s Ethnic Commission.  She was very involved with the Lyric Opera Guild, People to People and the Lost Child Network, as well as many other local charities.  Whether she was organizing Doctor’s Day or creating one gigantic fairytale bed for her grandchildren, she always made it memorable with her special, unique flair.

But her giving was also done on a very personal level.  She had an enormous and compassionate heart, not only for her family but also for those in need.  She volunteered for the Eye Foundation, Menorah Hospital and Truman Medical Center.  “She treated other people with a truly Christian heart.  In Ecuador, she would see people on the street in need and give them charity, and a hug or kiss”, said Lourdes Eguez, her niece in Ecuador who was like a sister to her.

Fabiola was gracious, fun to be with and truly a good friend.  She was an amazing hostess, welcoming many people to parties at her home.  Her parties were legendary, with enough food to feed an army and dancing until 2 A.M.  She loved entertaining and she loved to cook.  Her empanadas, ceviche and flan were the best.

She was elegant, fashionable and strikingly beautiful.

Alfonso and Fabiola were famous for dancing, expecially the tango.  When they danced the tango, the floor would open and people would watch in awe.

Fabiola and Alfonso traveled extensively throughout the world, returning annually to Ecuador to visit family and friends.

Her husband, her son and his wife, her two daughters and their husbands, eight grandchildren, a great grandchild about to be born in June and extended family in Ecuador and the United States.

“My mom was a force of nature – beautiful, passionate, unique, loving, special… an incredible spirit who will always be with us”, said Fabiola, her oldest daughter.

  

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to the Alzheimer’s Association.

Random notes on relationship's

We all are either in one, had one or want to be in one.



As I remember from sex ed class you can create another human without all the bullshit of a relationship. Sorry ... did that sound negative?



Relationship's are a lot of hard work. All that communication stuff, sharing and more sharing of feelings. Wondering where he/she is when he/she calls and says "I'm working late." And now in the age of technology wondering why he/she spends so much time on his/her iPhone and laptop?



But on the other hand you always have a date to the prom.


Weekends spent together running errands, having lunch at the local cafe. Spending time at flea/farmers markets. Or just staying in watching sappy movies.



I have been lucky (?) enough to have been in two long term relationship's. As a matter of fact I have been committed since I was 17. I guess dating has never been my thing.



The end of a relationship is never easy, no matter how bad you want it to be. You would like to be friends but those damn feelings keep coming up.



Damn you love, want, need, hurt, happy, sad, affection, anger, angst, annoyance, anxiety, contempt, depression, envy, grief, guilt, hysteria, jealousy, loneliness, lust, misery, pride, desire, rage, regret, shame, DAMN YOU ALL !



But without all the bad we wouldn't have the good ... to get us through the bad ... awe, curiosity, desire, ecstasy, empathy, euphoria, gratitude, happiness, interest, love, lust, satisfied, surprise, wonder, pride, hope.



I see some of those emotions are playing both sides of the fence. Typical.

Change is good?

I am a creature of habit. I haven't always been. I guess it comes with age. As a young adult I would do and go anywhere at the drop of a hat. It's Tuesday? 4pm? Lets go to Vegas. Saturday? 2am? I'm hungry. Now a days I have so many things to do before I am spontaneous. Vegas? Now? What about the dogs? I have a meeting tomorrow at 9am. Oh and gas ... what is it up to now? $4.19 a gallon?  Lets see ... that's 360 miles x 4.19 a gallon. Plus food on the way ... oh and we have to stop and get a date shake at the Mad Greek. That will put us at the hotel at 1 but check-in is at 3p ... screw it I'm staying home ! 


That's how my mind works now. Very annoying. 


When you are through changing, you are through.  ~Bruce Barton  


OK, that makes sense. Change is good, internally, mentally, theoretically, thoughtfully and so on. But what about when your surroundings change? Your way of life. What if you are forced to make a change? Your whole way of life. How do you deal with that? A therapist? Yes. But that's only going to get you so far. And its hard work.


You really have to work hard to change. You have to dig down deep inside your gut and deal with feelings you never knew you had or knew you did but buried them. It sucks. 


We are all creatures of habit. Its in our make up, our DNA. We get comfortable. We go along not making waves. Living our lives for other people because we don't want to be thought of as uncaring or selfish. But if we aren't happy we can't live a happy life. Duh. Simple right? But how many of us live that way? 


Change can hurt. It can be painful. It can feel like our heart has been ripped out and trampled on by a herd of horses. But when things do change we have to believe that it's for the good. We have to go along with it on blind faith. 


"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
 - Author Unknown

Instant gratification

Therapy (mental)

Acting class

Art class

This is a partial list of some of the things I have tried in the last few years. 

I've been to a therapist about a dozen times. I needed to be fixed and when I didn't get repaired soon enough my visits fizzled out. 

I took two acting classes. When I didn't become Meryl Streep my enthuseasion ran out. 

I attended 6 classes of a painting class. I even finished a great piece ... "Ape in the Wild". But when it didn't end up at the next Christie's auction in New York City, that to went by the way side too. 

The list goes on, Red Cross Life Guard, Dog training, teen suicide operator for a 24 hour hot line. But that last one wasn't my fault. They called me back after the interview and said thanks but no thanks. But thats a whole different blog entry.

As I told my partner the other day ... "I try things and move on. When I'm on my death bed I wont wonder ... what if?"

Or is that the lazy way out? Who said "Anything worth while is worth working for"?

But for how long? How long must I try to be a great painter before somebody says ... maybe you should try cross-stitch? Is greatness just not obtainable for most of us. Or should we just say F it and try all until we feel fulfilled and be happy at that.

Maybe we need to pick and choose what to see through to the end. So I what if I gave up on art class before the gavel fell. Its not a matter of life and death. 

But some things in life do deserve our all. Somethings need our full attention. Our family. Our friends. Our relationships. Our health, both mental and physical. 

I have a few things on my "Done" list that I need to re-visit.

Do not be daunted ...

Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

The Talmud

Optimist or Sucker?

‎"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that" 

 - Martin Luther King, Jr.

‎"In the face of a man's death, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibilities of each person before God and before men, and hopes and works so that every event may be the occasion for the further growth of peace and not of hatred"

- A statement released from the Vatican after the killing of Bin Laden

   I posted these quotes on my Face Book page after learning of the "celebrations" taking place after the killing of Bin Laden. The fact that I was not in the streets dancing and singing with glee did not mean that I was saddened by his death. It did not mean that I didn't feel for the family's and friends of the 9/11 victims. I choose to deal with it in another way. I am not a religious man. But I do believe in God. I believe that He is with in us all. I believe He is a very personal being that each of us has to manifest within ourselves to live our lives in a peaceful loving way. 


   I am tired of all the hate in the world. Either because of religious reasons, economic reasons, sexual orientation,etc. 

"People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along? Can we get along? Can we stop making it, making it horrible for the older people and the kids?...It’s just not right. It’s not right. It’s not, it’s not going to change anything. We’ll, we’ll get our justice....They won the battle, but they haven't won the war....Please, we can get along here. We all can get along. I mean, we’re all stuck here for a while. Let’s try to work it out. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to work it out." 

- Rodney King

   I know Mr. King has been made fun of for his quote. But really ... its not far from the truth. We are all here for such a short time. All the time, effort and money that we put in to hate could be spent so much better for the good of humanity. 


   Yes, their has been evil people all through history. And they will continue to be here long after I'm gone. I understand the "need" to rid the world of evil. I understand the theory behind the need for fighting for that you believe in. But at times like these we need to look with in ourselves for peace. 


   If I am being completely honest I have to admit that yes, I am glad we have one less evil being in the world. Who knows how many innocents have been saved with his demise? I guess I am saddened by the fact that the world we live in even has such evil. 


What do they call someone who believes good?


Noun 1. optimist - a person disposed to take a favorable view of things


Or a sucker?


   I also want to make it known that as a son of a military man I have the up most respect for all the men and women in our military. I can not express the feelings I have for them as they put themselves in danger everyday. Either here at home or in countries around the world. They are the reason I have the freedom to write what I feel and think without fear of reprisal.